Satu orang lagi harus pergi from my unit..

God.. are we in a shinking ship..?

Hamba harus apa?

Harus kemana? Harus apa?

Apa yang bisa hamba lakukan?

Bimbing hamba ya Rabb.. 

Kemana humanity..?

Hanging There Nana..

I'm trying to write every single day

Well, not here.. on my diary

Online diary

Or notes

Or microsoft words

Or whatever I want to

But, I guess it's pretty hard when you just don't find the time

Or commitment to do so..

Couple of days back have been hard to deal with

Lot's of projects and things to do

Dealing with deadlines and people..

Who are... not very supportive..

Of course.. 

Defending those who are in need..

Obviously.. because I am that.. caring..

I'm super tired all the time

And then I would feel useless 

Because I really wanna do more..

For my family..

For my office

For my friends..

But with this health..

I don't know.. 

I'm trying.. I know I haven't try my best and that kinda make me angry inside..

I keep on telling myself it's not that easy..

But I also keep being reminded of the Quran verse which said:

Allah will not give you burden more than you can endure

Hanging there Nana.. 

Everything's gonna be alright.. 

About 50 percent people I know wishing me a good health though

I guess words spread that I have illness..

Funny thing though.. I never "not accepting" this illness...

I'm just like.. "oh no... "and then that's it. 

I moved on.. 

Actually whenever I'm sick.. I never protested..

I just accepted it.. I mean.. there's always part of me which think:

I deserve this, cause I'm not a good person

And this illness will make me a better person..

Then again, I guess Allah give me strength to accept this illness..

Just maybe.. maybe.. Allah will bless me with health and lift this illness out of me..

Maybe I will live longer and see my grandchildren..

Maybe..

So... yeah..  

Good night

#cancer

Selamat Jalan Mas Firman..

Mas Firman..
Baru kerasa sedih banget sekarang..
Iya tau, aneh banget.. kenapa ga dari kemaren pas dapet kabar mas Firman meninggal..?
I don't know..
The fact bahwa sedemikian mudahnya Allah memanggil seseorang pergi...
Gimana sama gue..?
Gimana gue ninggalin semua ini..?
Akankah semua baik2 aja nanti..?
I know semua akan baik2 aja tanpa gue..
Tapi gue..? Akankah gue ninggalin hal2 yang baik untuk orang-orang yang gue sayangin...
Keluarga.. sodara.. temen2.. kantor...
Belum cukup apapun yang gue kerjakan belum cukup untuk membalas semua kebaikan yang gue terima dari semua orang..
Blon cukup apapun yang gue lakuin buat mereka..
Gue pengen jadi lebih..
Lebih present..
Lebih membantu...
Lebih ada buat semua orang..
Lebih menguatkan untuk semua orang..
Ya Rabb..
Hamba harus apa..?
Cukupkan waktu hamba di sini ya Rabb..
Cukupkan waktu hamba..
Hamba mohon..
Izinkan hamba berbuat lebih..
Seperti mas Firman dan semua warisan kebaikannya...
Seperti itu hamba ingin dikenang...

 

 

 

Stay Strong

This is life

It's just like this

Di saat satu rasa pedih hilang

Rasa pedih lain berganti datang

Lalu bahagia itu kemana?

Ada

Ada di dalam hati

Yang bisa nyiptain rasa bahagia ya kita sendiri

Senyum coba

Walau pun fake

Ketawa coba

Walau pun garing

Denger lagu2 bahagia

Shalat.. baca Qurán

Bahagia dan damai itu dateng sendiri kok..

Apalagi ini Ramadhan

You got this Nana

You got this..

Mungkin kalau ga bisa bener2 tersenyum bahagia..

Bisa senyum walau air mata netes..

Stay strong Nana

Stay strong Nana


(Catatan kecil ketika lagi-lagi harus kehilangan sosok seorang Leader hebat..)