Hanging There Nana..

I'm trying to write every single day

Well, not here.. on my diary

Online diary

Or notes

Or microsoft words

Or whatever I want to

But, I guess it's pretty hard when you just don't find the time

Or commitment to do so..

Couple of days back have been hard to deal with

Lot's of projects and things to do

Dealing with deadlines and people..

Who are... not very supportive..

Of course.. 

Defending those who are in need..

Obviously.. because I am that.. caring..

I'm super tired all the time

And then I would feel useless 

Because I really wanna do more..

For my family..

For my office

For my friends..

But with this health..

I don't know.. 

I'm trying.. I know I haven't try my best and that kinda make me angry inside..

I keep on telling myself it's not that easy..

But I also keep being reminded of the Quran verse which said:

Allah will not give you burden more than you can endure

Hanging there Nana.. 

Everything's gonna be alright.. 

About 50 percent people I know wishing me a good health though

I guess words spread that I have illness..

Funny thing though.. I never "not accepting" this illness...

I'm just like.. "oh no... "and then that's it. 

I moved on.. 

Actually whenever I'm sick.. I never protested..

I just accepted it.. I mean.. there's always part of me which think:

I deserve this, cause I'm not a good person

And this illness will make me a better person..

Then again, I guess Allah give me strength to accept this illness..

Just maybe.. maybe.. Allah will bless me with health and lift this illness out of me..

Maybe I will live longer and see my grandchildren..

Maybe..

So... yeah..  

Good night

#cancer